Words Don't Come Easy

Isn't it funny when you tune into your favorite radio station or slip in a CD, there is always a song playing that suits your situation or mood? When no longer inspired by 'Stand By Your Man' how many of us girls have danced around the lounge (hopefully on our own) singing at the top of lungs the good old Gloria Gaynor classic 'I Will Survive' or even Anastasia's 'I'm Out Of Love'.

We could inventory a huge list of appropriate songs for the moments when the relationship is in tatters but one of my absolute favorites has got to be a beautiful piece written by James Blunt, 'Goodbye My Lover'. The song tells of a relationship whereby the girl is hooked in the beginning but as time goes by she realizes these feelings are not shared. She leaves her man and it is only then that he decides he cannot live without her. It goes back to the saying "you don't know what you've got till it's gone". There is a message here for all of us here. You must value what you have and treat it with the respect it deserves. Make your efforts during the relationship so you can both benefit. There is little point in trying to make a dash past the post once the race is over.

Of course, once we've gotten over the initial split, have stopped watching 'Bridget Jones Diary' and given up singing 'You Were Meant For Me', we can graduate to the more rocky tunes of 'It's Raining Men' or 'Hit Me With Your Best Shot'. On a visit to your local karaoke bar you will without doubt be entertained by girls and guys that are at various stages of the relationship roller coaster and it won't be hard to spot. They will be the ones with pained expressions on their faces as they try to sing their way through Sinead O'Connor's 'Nothing Compares' which strangely enough reminds them of their once significant other.

There will also be those belting out Tina Turner's 'Simply The Best' and strutting around the stage like the rock diva herself. To add insult to injury you will also get the groups that are out on their hen or stag nights doing a rendition of 'Chapel Of Love' or 'Put Another Log On The Fire' whilst exuding that glow of everlasting love.

Equally, there are simply wonderful songs to suit the relationship when all is rosy. You only need to attend a wedding to see what's in vogue ranging from 'I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing', 'From This Moment On', 'On Bended Knee' or even 'When You Say Nothing At All' from the gorgeous Ronan Keating.

So, whatever your mood or moment, tune into something that suits. If things are not all they should be my suggestion here would be select something upbeat that will inspire you to get off your sofa and get out and meet someone new. If you have shared the same taste in music with your previous partner it's often a good idea to have a bit of a change of tempo. Those old familiar tunes will only serve to hinder your moving on process. You can go back to them again later once you are out of your relationship rehab. If you are happily ensconced in matrimonial or co-habitable bliss then let's hope Shania Twain will blast from your sound system in another five or ten years with 'Still The One'.

Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. ... song under the title "Love Is a Beautiful Thing" on his album Prayer of a Common Man.
Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. ... song under the title "Love Is a Beautiful Thing" on his album Prayer of a Common Man.

Fear of Abandonment and Recipe for Relationship Disaster

Everyone can experience abandonment. It could have come from when you were a child and carried on throughout your adult life. Your parents may have felt neglect in their formative years and may have passed on this experience to you.

Many parents try to forget about this experience and try to provide their children with a warm and loving environment. They try to make a conscious effort so that their children can have a better life than they had.

People, particularly parents who experienced a sense of abandonment, try to stay away from those feelings of hurt and rejection and suppress them as much as possible. They try to forget about everything and move on with their life.

Unfortunately that fear and anxiety bubbles from some place in the mind and it will just be triggered in the future by some similar events. When all the negative feelings have gone away, you are possessed with a desire to control your partner and fill that void up.

Now the question I ask you is, "What do parents offer to kids instead of emotional abandonment?"

Many of may simply say, "Heh, this is just the past, love is the most important."

However, what about if you had never experienced true love and always observed it? Perfect love is possible according to some people, although love is hurting and can be a big disappointment. If you were abandoned by your parents, you may think that hurt is inevitable in the future.

It can be quite discouraging for people who have gone through abandonment as they put up their defences and try to shield themselves from hurt and neglect, with them taking on the role of needy individuals or ones which are aloof. Scared of trusting anyone, they may turn into really independent individuals who need no-one else to look after them. This may be the only course of action for them if they cannot sustain any trusting relationships.

Just to cap all of this off, there are plenty of other emotions which accompany this such as guilt, lack of confidence and low self-worth. It can really impact on one's self-worth and really make them a shadow of their former selves if they do not believe they are worth anything.

People who have suffered from abandonment will inevitably crave it in the future so that their addiction is fulfilled. This can lead them to become very negative individuals who cannot hold a positive relationship.

Negative programming can encapsulate many negative thoughts and memories. However, when you have realized that you have been in a pattern of unhealthy relationships and want a better life, then you are ready for change.

If you get rid of all the negative toxicity of the mind, you will become a new, authentic person who is capable of doing anything they want to.

Iga Wisniewska is a certified Mind Resonance Process ® Level 3 Life Coach (MRP). After hundred hours of her own personal work she wants to help and share her knowledge with other people on the planet.

A Free 1 Hour Introductory MRP Skype Consultation is available upon request. (You will be asked to cover your own long distance telephone charges)

Don't Stand for Fear - Stand for Love

This thing called Fear,
Threatens as it comes near,
Finding its way under our guard,
Love's suddenly impossibly hard.
Fear is no friend,
He will take us to the end,
It's where despair we'll find,
And we won't be able to be kind.
But love will dispel all fear,
Love will draw us near,
God's love perfects our hope,
God's love is goodness to cope.

Don't stand for fear. It comes into our lives and ravages us without us even knowing it most the time. It is an intruder who is never truly welcome. Fear stifles, threatens, makes promises it cannot keep, and produces doubting and despair, envying and jealousy, pride and self-righteousness.

I hate fear. I'm sure God hates fear. It robs us of every good thing that was ever destined to help us to live a life of love.

Fear will destroy all you've worked for if you'll let it. It will certainly wreak havoc with all your relationships as you wrangle for possession of poise against the haranguing anxieties that propel good things ever away.

I know women and men who have thrown their good lives away because they were dominated by fear without ever knowing it. They allowed the poise of pride to be their veneer, and never truly acknowledged their inner brokenness. They became their own worst enemies, thinking that God was an entity who could be manipulated. They preferred to live a lie instead of owning a truth we all must own.

We need God.

It is an anachronism that a Christian can live the worldly existence and join forces with secularism and not be trapped in fear. We cannot serve God and money; Jesus makes that point plainly.

Fear will finish us, but when we choose to come back to love - a moment at a time - and go back into the heart of God in our fear - we are given power to overcome our fear.

Love will overcome fear as we live our love; that is to live in loving ways, which is to give, be kind, compassionate, just, humble, and good in every way we can.

Every time we give our lives away we overcome our fear afresh. See how overcoming fear is actually quite an easy thing, but it will cost. But this cost is a benefit far outweighing any true cost in pure benefit of personal wellbeing.

© 2014 S. J. Wickham.

I Miss You Love Messages for My Love

I AM REALLY MISSING YOU

Teach me how not to miss you,

And you will be the worst teacher ever!

Tell me that I can live without you,

And you will be the worst of Soothsayers!

Everyday passing by, I see myself in pains;

And no other reason but that I am missing you

PLEASE BE BACK SOON

Once I was told that distance makes the heart grow fonder,

But how strange to see the directly opposite happening to me.

I can't see me do any good, but I am full of blunders!

Your being away is the only reason this is happening to me.

WHY ARE YOU FAR AWAY?

Totally, I am running out of ideas,

Painfully, I am losing my mind,

Disdainfully, all about me sucks!

And all these because you are so far away from me.

I AM LOST WITHOUT YOU

My heart groans in pains

My mind is filled with untold hurt!

All my life, I have not been this bewildered;

And this is happening all because I miss you.

SO SAD YOU ARE NOT HERE

I watch the night turned into day,

I looked around and you're not here.

My heart beats for the one I love,

But how sad He is not here.

MISSING YOU MAKES ME CRY

I never thought I deserved this much,

And never did I bargain for this sort!

Missing you is breaking me apart,

And I wish I could curtail it. Crying.

I AM NOTHING WITHOUT YOU

I define my whole life as loneliness

And I define my heart as motionless!

Without you here, I count myself as nothing.

And in all you do, know that missing you hurts.

I AM SICK OF YOUR LOVE

I could only try to be good,

But my best comes through you.

Watching and waiting is making me sick,

Please come back or I might just die.

I Miss you.

WHERE DO BROKEN HEARTS GO!

I am no more me, my heart is broken!

The more I look the less I see.

I am getting faint inside my heart,

And all these because I am missing you.

I WISH I GET MORE THAN THIS

I agree you have been good to me.

I accept you have been wonderful,

But I wish I have more than I ever wanted!

Staying this long without you is so killing.

YOU NAMED ME LONELINESS

I remember being called lovely by you,

I remember being cherished and cared for.

How sad to see those moments go!

You have made me nothing but lonely!

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Keeping Your Relationship Healthy Is Really Simple

Keeping a relationship is not very difficult, provided both the partners are willing to put in the required effort. Try these simple ideas and see your relationship grow healthier.

Keep your promises

You may not be able to fulfill every promise that you make, but don't make a habit of it. Giving your word for something and then not doing the same is OK once in a while. If you do that repeatedly, your partner will lose trust in you. And once trust is gone, it doesn't take long for a relationship to go sour.

You are responsible for your happiness

Don't be a too-difficult-to please partner. You need to understand that you are the one who can decide to be happy or not. Your partner will definitely try their best to please you and keep you happy, but if you decide to be snooty or upset all the time, you may push them to a limit when they will stop trying altogether.

Own it if you make a mistake

If something that you have done or said has hurt your partner, don't hesitate to apologize. Instead of justifying your actions or words, a sincere apology will save you a lot of time and energy which might go wasted over a heated and useless argument, and will also save your relationship.

What's more, if you realize that you keep apologizing for the same thing; make sure that you mend your ways. You can even ask your partner to help you in changing your habit and nudge you when you are repeating the same mistake.

Keep your expectations realistic

Too high expectations could be the sure shot recipe for a failed relationship. Accept that your partner has some flaws along with all those wonderful qualities. Don't live with too high expectations which are impossible for a human to match.

Take conflicts in stride

No relationship is devoid of conflicts. So when there is a conflict in your relationship, accept it as a part of that relationship, not the end of it. Occasional tiffs can be eased out with some patience and understanding from both partners. Give each other some time and space. However, if you find yourselves quarreling too often, you should both sit and discuss if you would be better off without that relationship.

Listen to each other

Pay attention to what your partner is talking to you about. If it is a personal problem, maybe you can offer some solution. If it is about the workplace, listening patiently is all you need to, and probably that is just what your partner is seeking. If it is an old funny story, laugh with your partner. If it something sad that happened to them in the past, give them a shoulder to cry on. Whatever you do, avoid blowing off what your partner says. Listening to each other can prove to be the biggest boost for your relationship.

Showing your affection is not bad

Though your partner knows that you love him/her, do they feel loved? Do you express your love for them with actions and words? Some occasions demand that you must make your affection and love more visible. So don't hesitate to pull your partner towards you and give them a hug when you meet them after a long time or are very happy about something or even very sad about something.

You can also do small things to make sure partner feels loved and cherished. Get up early and cook together or help with clearing up before bed time. All this will help the two of you finish work faster, too, which means you will get more time together!

Loyalty pays

If you are in a long-term serious relationship, you must at all times be loyal to your partner. It doesn't mean that you don't mingle with people from the opposite sex, but ensure that your partner does not feel insecure about it. Your partner needs to have the faith that you will be by their side through thick and thin.

Avoid hiding things

Don't keep secrets from your partner. Even if there are things which you think your partner might not take very positively, don't hide your feelings from them. What you feel and think about your partner and your relationship is important and must be shared to strengthen your bond and enhance trust.

And while at it, also remember that while you are sharing everything about yourself with your partner, you don't need to spy on them to know all about them. If your partner loves you truly, they will not hide anything from you, especially when they see you sharing everything with them. if you still feel your partner is keeping things from you, you can wait for a reasonable time and wait for them to tell you about it, and then you can approach the matter in a gentle manner.

Encourage each other

Whether it is a professional project or a personal task, encourage your partner. You must convey with you words and actions that you wish the best for them and would like to see them at the pinnacle of success. Your partner's feelings for you will get stronger and they will value you more in their life.

Forgive each other

Don't make your partner feel guilty for their past mistakes - it will only generate bad vibes. If you are interested in a happy future, both of you have to make a conscious effort to forgive each other's mistakes of the past and avoid carrying the load of anger and resentment to your future.

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Finding Love in the World

Acceptance is the eternal gift,
To accept and be accepted,
It settles every interpersonal rift,
And ensures wellbeing is collected.

***

POWER AND CONTROL, when replaced with love, because of fear, alienates good friends and close family. Even where there is love - conditional as it may be - there is also fear, and fear tends to quench love's spontaneity. It cools love's passion. It makes of love something detestable to the discerning soul.

This is not about romance, though we all want to find it. No, finding love in the world is about finding acceptance and grace in relationships everywhere as far as we can. It's about finding a place where compassion reigns and kindness is implicit; where gentleness and patience are sought-after qualities.

This is found in one's family, then in one's workplace, then in one's church. The time we spend with people ought to be because we can love them and be loved. There is little sense in enduring some relationships that bear scant signs of acceptance; where we can no easier influence love than get beyond a superficial conversation. Life with our important ones - those we will spend most our time with - needs to be more than superficial conversations.

The threads of life in the yarn of acceptance are encouraging and affirming. But the strands are disparaging in the wearing of rejection.

There is only one decision in life worthy of sweating over: who will I/we love and who will love me/us? We need to shove acceptance to the top of our value list, and ensure we settle for nothing less in the overall flow of life.

We need to accept and be accepted. If we find ourselves settling for not being loved we have to ask ourselves are we doing all we can to love. Not being loved can be about abusive and one-sided relationships where one party always seems to get more out of the arrangement than the other.

Love is important; it's the most important thing in anyone's life: to be love and to receive love.

If we can love ourselves we can love anyone. And what leads to self-love is the proper understanding of God through Jesus Christ. To love anyone is our mandate. If we can love everyone we will find that love has found us.

Rejection is a powerful curse,
It brings a veritable hell to earth,
Rejection carries acceptance out to sea,
Where acceptance can no longer be.

© 2014 S. J. Wickham.

Will I Ever Find The Love Of My Life?

"I'm tired of being alone and going to sleep alone. Will I ever find a loving partner?"

"I really want a relationship, but I keep attracting unavailable people. What am I doing wrong?

"Why do all my relationships end up the same?"

"I'm scared I'm destined to end up alone."

"I want to share my life with someone. I want to wake up with a partner and share a dream or chat with my partner about the coming day."

"I want to come home to someone with whom I can share my day. I hate coming home from work to an empty house."

"I want someone to play with, to watch TV with or go to a movie with, or go on vacation with. I'm so tired of doing these things alone and my friends have their own lives."

Most people want to share their lives with someone. Yet many people have a very hard time finding and creating a loving connected relationship. Frequently, something is in the way of attracting their beloved.

I have worked with many clients who were able to find the love of their life after healing the fears and blocks that were in the way. Some of the more common fears and blocks are:

1. Fear of engulfment - of losing yourself in the relationship

As much as you might want a relationship, if the fear of losing yourself within a relationship is greater than your desire for a relationship, this fear will win out over and over.

Do you believe that you have to give yourself up to be loved by another? Do you believe that you are not good enough the way you are so that you have to be overly nice and compliant in order for someone to love you? Is this what you've done in your relationships?

Giving yourself up is a prescription for never finding your beloved.

2. Fear of rejection

Have you been hurt in relationships? Most of us have. Is avoiding the pain of rejection more important to you than being in a loving, connected relationship?

Relationships can be painful, so until you learn how to manage the possible heartbreak, you might be pushing away the love of your life. Learning how to lovingly manage the loneliness, heartbreak and helplessness of important relationships is vital for being able to attract your life partner.

3. Fear of making a mistake

Are you too cautious because you are terrified of making a mistake - or making another mistake? While we all need to be willing to make mistakes to move forward, there are ways of knowing early in a relationship whether this is the right person for you.

4. Self-abandonment - love addiction, being invisible

When you abandon yourself rather than love yourself, you become invisible to others. Others tend to treat us the way we treat ourselves, so if you are ignoring your feelings, judging yourself, turning to various addictions to numb your feelings and making others responsible for your feelings, you are unconsciously pushing others away and making yourself invisible.

When you make others responsible for your worth and sense of safety, it's very easy to become love addicted, I.e., addicted to someone giving you the love you are not giving to yourself. This generally taps into the other person's fear of engulfment and they eventually pull away.

Since we attract at our common level of woundedness or our common level of health, becoming a healthy partner is essential for attracting a healthy partner.

Another important issue in attracting a loving partner is knowing how to tell, early in a relationship, whether or not someone is who they appear to be. There are actually many ways of knowing early on whether or not someone is an appropriate partner for you.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process.