Some people do not have to consider the issue of fidelity and infidelity - the 60-year-old lady who has grown sour with time, who looks down her nose with judgmental disdain at any supposed immorality, who has not seen the spark of desire in a man's eyes for a long time, who does not inspire the warmth of tender appreciation. Love is not sour, it is sweet and soft. Love is not moralistic, it is wise. Love is not prudish, it is open and sensitive. Love is not resentful and closed, it is grateful and expectant. Life is complex and relationships equally so. To love freely but not to hurt; that is the balance. And it is a balance which constantly changes. Not only does one have to deal with one's own desires, emotions, and needs but one also has to deal with other people's desires, emotions, and needs. Combine this with the fact that life is constantly evolving and the inner being of people is, likewise, constantly evolving, and it creates a complex field to navigate.
Ground Rules of Discussion
This article presupposes a starting point that one is evolved enough to know and live the following:
that women and men have absolute, unequivocally equal rights in all regards
an unselfish desire for the happiness of other people as well as oneself
an honest and transparent approach to life and those close to us - no lying, no withholding information
a mature understanding that life is complex and constantly involves mental and emotional growth, and that this is the point of life
an understanding that while there is a commitment to moral and ethical goodness, that the form of morality and ethics will vary depending on the vast array of factors that life will present
a desire to stay emotionally alive and not become one of the "walking dead" who are living a life full of fear and deeply repressed issues
an understanding that there is an infinite, supremely good, and loving Divine energy which is guiding, protecting, and helping us and those we love. This helps us and those in our circle of influence to have confidence and power.
Certainly, the individual will have long since outgrown self-centred lust, although there will be an honest and healthy recognition of the part that sexuality plays in the physical, emotional, and spiritual fulfillment of the individual. Equally, the person will have long since outgrown the "player" mentality which uses sexual and emotional conquest over others as a repeated source of self-confirmatory behaviour.
The Nature of Attractiveness
Some people do not have to consider the issue of infidelity because they are not able to attract the attention and affection of anyone to be faithful or otherwise to. For such a one, the task of this lifetime is to become a more beautiful person so that others will be drawn to them. It is the person's inner being - their confidence, engagingness, and contribution to life - which will have the most impact on an increase in attractiveness. It is surprising to see how supposedly ordinary looking people suddenly seem to radiate beauty when they have improved their level of happiness and self-esteem. People look at them, whereas before they were ignored and overlooked.
For others, who have already learned how to attract people into their life, there is a whole different set of problems. And as one evolves into a more assured individual, and one naturally has a greater magnetic appeal to others, then these problems become magnified. One of the most sensitive and difficult problems in this area is sexual fidelity and infidelity. It is a highly emotive topic and almost everyone has very strongly held opinions about it, often, for reasons they do not even understand. To break the, usually unstated but set, expectation of sexual fidelity can, and often does, have life-changing consequences with much suffering involved. Sexual fidelity, however, is only one aspect of the whole intricate matrix of intimate, human relations. There are many ways in which humans relate closely to each other, get what they need from others, and give what they have to give to others.
The Blame-Game
"Love" that does not turn out how we want, can turn insecure and troubled people into bitter and dangerous enemies. Thus the saying, there is a thin line between love and hate. Love which can turn into hate is not true love at all. In my own life, I can think of several different times when people I was close to turned into that type of enemy. Although we may be able to handle the complexities of relationships and caringly and patiently try to move relationships forward in the best possible way, it does not mean that other people can do that too. It takes a lot of maturity and unselfishness.
The other person, if they feel they are not going to get what they overtly or secretly want, or if they feel repressed but excessive guilt about their own feelings or behaviour, can become a fury-ball of irrational and malicious intent, set on destroying the perceived cause of their pain - us. They can even have an emotional shoot-to-kill mentality. Such people can spend years, decades, and even a lifetime or two blaming any number of people for the injustices they have supposedly endured. Often, it is those very people who refuse to acknowledge their own strong, inner desires. If they did so, the whole massive blame-game would come tumbling down into a stupid puddle of nothingness.
Such are the risks of relationships with less evolved people. Nevertheless, I feel that for every one person who turns into a poisonous enemy, there are others who use the opportunity to grow, thus enriching their life and ours with a better version of themselves. I don't like to waste my life. And, to me, there is nothing more valuable or beautiful than the growth of another's soul. When we have an ear for the Divine then we will be guided. Everyone is cared for, including ourselves. And, sometimes, the resulting effect upon someone's life can be quite amazing.
Faithful to Whom?
Ultimately, spiritual love is faithful not to a person but to Love itself, which will naturally include certain people. Love will choose not to hurt or harm. It will also choose not to stifle one's being, or live a life of repression, or cut off another's reaching out. From the highest spiritual perspective, in the less physical and more ethereal realms, these questions have no relevance. There is not only no infidelity, but there is also no fidelity. Who would be the person that is being faithful? And to whom?
In a world of only love, beauty, and absolute fulfillment and joy, such conflicts become meaningless. There is the free and completely full expression of a spiritual love which encompasses everyone, with no need for anything else. Sex is the faint shadow of this. Mind you, it is still related; which is why it is so highly valued and protected in relationships, without people even knowing why it is so precious and important. Close, nonsexual relationships between human beings are also the shadow of Divine mergence.
Moreover, how could one be married to one person when all souls are boundless, limitless, expansive, free, and already completely one with everything wonderful and happy? In fact, one would be married to everything Divine and separated from nothing good. But that, for most of us, is not yet.
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